So, the first week of remote working was very challenging in this household. I’m not putting my struggle in the same category as our frontline NHS workers (people in my family are in that category and I know there is no comparison between their sacrifice and what I have to do) but the week has not been without it’s stresses and tears. I have had moments of feeling very sorry for myself.
I told you in my last blog how excited I was to try and use some time to learn a new skill - Spanish, do some art and practise some mindfulness. I don’t know where I thought the time was going to come from for any of that. I haven’t done any of it. I also naively thought it would be lovely to spend some time with my son, support him with his school work (I am a professional educator, after all) and find out more about his day. Normally, when I ask him how school was, the standard response is a shrug of the shoulders and ‘alright’. I was also pleased to have my eldest son, Ryan, home from Uni and I envisaged some lovely family bonding during this extended time together.
I’ve remembered now why I have always worked full time. I can get a class of 20 girls to roughly do what I want for 60 minutes but it would seem that superpower does not work in my own home. I can just about help Matthew with his English work but GCSE maths is beyond me. But that’s ok, Ryan has an A-level in maths, he would love to help his brother. Not the case. Of course, Matthew didn’t take history, specifically because it is my subject, so those skills and that knowledge are no use to him at all. Even establishing a routine is hard because I can’t come up with a convincing reason why he has to be up, showered, dressed, fed and ready to start at 9am when no one from school is checking. Nor can I then seem to provide a valid reason for going to sleep before midnight because he doesn't need to get up as early anymore. Hence, the tears, mine, not his! He is a good kid, works hard in school and always gets good results but it is hard to motivate him when he doesn’t know what he is working towards.
And then there are the trials of three of us working from home. three, not four of us, because as far as the eldest is concerned, he is now on holiday. So Netflix and gaming all day long is a perfectly acceptable way to pass the days in isolation. Parenting an adult is very hard work. Despite Netflix telling us they have reduced picture quality, it is impossible for two of us to be doing Zoom calls, uploading documents to remote desktops, and the myriad of other things that we are both so reliant on to do our jobs from home, whilst Matthew tries unsuccessfully for the 20th time to access Maths Watch. And we pay a fortune for fibre broadband to the house. I am relatively tech-savvy and competent with IT but, boy, have those skills been put to the test. Coming up with new and creative ways to teach Year 12 about the division of Germany in 1949 when I can only see their, largely pixelated, faces once a week on a Zoom call, whilst simultaneously telling one son to stop touching his face and helping the other with GCSE chemistry is not conducive to my well-being. I want my kitchen back as a kitchen, not a kitchen/office/gym/conference room.
Reading this back, my challenges this week seem silly. I should not be complaining about these relatively simple things when so many are sacrificing their very health in the struggle against this virus. I was emotional on Thursday when the whole of my road stood outside and clapped for the NHS. I am already greatly in their debt for the medical care I have received myself over the years.
So now I need to focus on what have been the good things last week so that the things that bothered me last week don’t cast a shadow over the next. The first thing is the remarkable fortitude of my children and yours. My boys are, despite my gripes, doing well, helping out and have never complained. They also do a care walk each day to check on my mum who is self-isolating for 12 weeks. I also have to tell you how immensely proud of our Queen’s community I am. They are pulling together, finding a way, battling the challenges as Queen’s girls always do. I’m also proud of my colleagues. I work with a remarkable bunch of people. From the PE team keeping us going with fitness and keeping active, to my colleagues looking after key worker children at Lower School so that I, as high risk, can self-isolate, to my wonderful pastoral team who are constantly coming to me with ways we can offer more support to our girls and updating me on individual conversations they have had, to my teaching colleagues coming up with new ways to teach, and my closet school friends who check in on me and keep my spirits up. I truly am working in the best place to be able to cope with this. Not just cope - grow from this. And I’m proud of myself. I wanted to learn a new skill and I thought that could be Spanish but actually, I’ve developed my IT skills using new platforms, software and hardware and even supporting some colleagues with this. I wanted to be more creative and thought that meant producing a work of art but actually it’s been creatively managing my time and coming up with creative teaching solutions so I can still give my classes an effective learning experience. And I wanted to practice some mindfulness. Well, I haven’t started meditating but I have very much appreciated the moments of quietness and stillness of an early morning dog walk.
It has been too easy to focus on the negatives this last week. So, this week, I’m going to end each day with three good things- writing down three positives I can take from each day. The brain science tells us that if we go to bed each night with these positives in our minds, the positives get hardwired in as memories and so perhaps, if we all take note of the positives, when we study this in history lessons in a decades time, we will be able to say that, yes, it challenged us but that also we learned something about ourselves and our loved ones and it gave us an opportunity to grow and show our spirit.